Long John Silver for President

The country and the world are in crisis. Markets are melting like snow cones in the sub-Saharan desert. Unfortunately, neither of the U.S. presidential candidates has a plan to steer the economy out of this crisis. I submit that there is only one person that can effect the change that is needed to get the U.S. and the world off their collective keesters.

This is a time for leadership.

This is a time for change.

We need someone with vision, a person that has been tested time and time again and -- although it may be hard to believe -- someone with even less scruples than the current candidates.

Long John Silver for president!

I suppose that the biggest objection to voting for LJS may be that he is a fictional character. We live in a time when we have overcome so many prejudices. Race, religion, gender and moose shooting from helicopters are no longer barriers to elected office. Isn’t it time that we as a people put aside another prejudice, the requirement that our president be a real person?

Many people have voted for Mickey Mouse as president, believing him to be the best choice of candidates running for office, and although the advocacy of Mickey may have been (in light of our recent presidents) an enlightened choice, we must face the fact that Mickey is a loser. The mouse has never achieved more than a fraction of the presidential vote. This country does not need a squeaky-voiced president right now, let alone one that clearly has skeletons in his closet. (Has anyone seen Minnie lately? Is she at the Betty Ford clinic? What are we to make of Mickey consorting with Pluto at all hours? What of Mickey's penchant for picking advisors like Goofy? Has Mickey ever "reached across the aisle" and embraced the Warner Brothers characters like Bugs Bunny or Daffy Duck?)

I know that many voters may never be able to vote for a fictional character, but folks let's face it, we do so every time that we pull a lever or punch a hole at the ballot box. John McCain and Barack Obama are figments of their pollsters' imaginations.

Take a look at Barack (or "Barry" as he was known for much of his life): no tie, no foreign policy experience, no domestic policy experience, no voting while in the Senate, no chance that he will be able to enact any of his proposed policies because this country has no money. Watch him stroll across the stage, so cool, so detached and so unreal. He is all image, from his pressed slacks to his slack press coverage. He is the Mother Theresa of politics, here to embrace all, feed all and provide tax relief to all except those that are not true believers (the rich who according to Democratic gospel have absolutely no business being rich in such dire times and businesses that have no business being businesses when the government can do everything that businesses can do -- but better). Does anyone believe that Barack Obama is real? Here is a test -- a foolproof test. Type "Barack Obama" in a Word document and he appears as a spelling error. Now type Long John Silver in a Word document: no error. Microsoft, as we all know, is infallible. I submit that Long John Silver and not this so-called Barack Obama is the more authentic personage.